October is Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month.
In the United States, 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage and 1 in 160 pregnancies end in stillbirth.
Miscarriages are a very common occurrence however they are often not spoken about. This may be attributed to the fact that approximately eighty percent of miscarriages occur in the first trimester, before many women have told anyone they are pregnant—many people wait until about the three month mark to announce their pregnancy. That means, when a woman loses her baby, there’s not an outpouring of love and support which creates a sort of invisible loss, which has the same sense of profound grief and trauma as any other type of loss but without the embrace of others.
Due to the combination of a cultural stigma and 50% of miscarriages having no scientific explanation, women may blame themselves and be ashamed, questioning what they could have done differently. Pregnancy loss in the form of a miscarriage is nothing to be ashamed of. Most miscarriages happen due to factors that are out of our control. Miscarriage is not a choice; it is an unforeseen and uncontrollable event. It is painful. It is not predicted; it is not planned. So why do miscarriages happen?
It can be difficult to know exactly why a miscarriage happened, but it is RARELY caused by the pregnant individual’s actions. Problems with fetal chromosomes account for approximately 50% of all miscarriages. Most of the time, these chromosomal abnormalities do not reflect anything wrong with either parent. Instead they reflect problems that occurred when the egg or sperm developed or when fertilization took place. In these cases, it is typically the body’s way of ending a pregnancy that is not developing normally. There are other possible causes, such as certain illnesses, serious infection, hormonal irregularities, maternal age, malnutrition, and certain medications.
Miscarriage has long been dealt with personally, seen as too intimate to be shared out loud. This has resulted in the outstanding stigma associated with pregnancy loss, turning it into something abnormal, uncommon, and happening to people there is something ‘wrong’ with. None of these beliefs are remotely true as we discussed above, 10-25% of pregnancies result in miscarriage. This stigma has made the profound grief associated with pregnancy loss even more challenging for those who experience it. Miscarriage is a common outcome of pregnancy and it is time we educate and talk about it because the current shame, self-blame, and guilt associated with miscarriage is detrimental to women’s (and men’s) mental health.
According to the Journal of Obstetrics and Gynecology, 47% of people who have had a miscarriage feel guilty, 41% felt they had done something wrong to cause the pregnancy loss, 76% of Americans believe pregnancy loss can be caused by a stressful event, 64% believe it can be caused by the pregnant person lifting a heavy object, 28% believe previously using an IUD may cause miscarriages, and 22% might blame the use of oral contraceptives.These are all misconceptions that are a result of the cultural stigma associated with miscarriage. So, what can we do to end this stigma?
Educate ourselves and share our learnings with others.
Stop encouraging secrecy in the early weeks of pregnancy. By staying silent, we dismiss the opportunity to discuss the reality of pregnancy loss. “Don’t share your good news until you are in the clear. This way, if your good news becomes bad news, then you won’t have to share your bad news.” This further stigmatizes those who don’t experience full-term pregnancies because if they never announced they were pregnant; it can be extremely uncomfortable to share that a miscarriage occurred.
Miscarriage is normal, so talk about it. This is especially important for those who have experienced miscarriage. Opening up about loss and expressing grief candidly can create a sense of community and connectedness during an otherwise isolating time. There are millions of other people who have experienced the overwhelming grief associated with miscarriage as well. Talking about grief isn’t attention seeking. Talking about grief is telling the truth. When we tell the truth, we heal.